Bitter Experiences of Hidden Hurt: Verbal Abuse in Relationships

A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive even without physical violence. Many people suffer verbal and emotional abuse in secret for years,not really understanding what is happening or why they feel so rotten. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage,but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on the unhealthy path it is on.

  I have had the painful experience of being in a verbally abusive relationship that lasted for two months but its Joan's story that inspired this post on verbal abuse.

On the issue of genetic compatibility

She came crying to me that her boyfriend of three years just broke up with her over the phone and I was perplexed.

How could this be? What in the world could have led to the tragic end of my friend's three-year honeymoon relationship? I wondered as I consoled her.

My wicked angel was like, "Phew! Thank God! My nights will be midnight calls free."

But my good angel with its wounded expression sympathized with her.

She was obviously hurt by the break up and upon further inquiries of the cause,sobbed and muttered;

"He said we were genetically incompatible. That we both had AS genotypes and he couldn't take the risk."

 How sad.

 The truth is,like so many people out there,I had a vague knowledge of genetic compatibility before that time until my friend's breakup got me researching.

    Genotype...
    Simply refers to hemoglobin gene constituents
    Genes are always in pairs and overall express-
    ion depends whether dominant,recessive or
    X-linked. So there is no problem when one of
    the genes is abnormal eg. AS,AC. This is called
    carrier state(sickle cell trait). Only when the
    two are abnormal then there is a great prob-
    lem.

The genotypes in humans are AA,AS,AC and SS.
  
I hadn't heard of the AC genotype until this research. Apparently,the AC gene is not common or I've simply not heard about it. But both AS and AC are abnormal,take note.

 The great risk my friend's ex-boyfriend was referring to is the possibility of giving birth to a child suffering from the Sickle Cell Disease.
 
 Sickle cell disease(a recessive disorder) is a very serious medical condition with high prevalence rate in sub Saharan Africa. Almost 300,000 children are born with a form of sickle-cell disease every year in sub Saharan Africa which may lead to various acute and chronic complications,several of which have a high mortality rate.
 
 So who can you marry and who shouldn't you marry based on genotype compatibility?

 Someone with the AA genotype can marry across. That is,there is no fear of having a sickler child even if he or she marries an SS. AA marrying an SS only results in AS children.
 
 Someone with the AS genotype should only marry someone with the AA genotype because if AS marries AS there is one out of four possibilities(AS,AA,SS,AS) that they will have a child with the sickle cell disease. Same applies when AC is combined.
 
 Of course there are miraculous cases where two abnormals that were combined like AS and AC or AS and AS had up to five or six children without a single sickler among them. But why risk it?What if you are not so lucky?Can you forgive yourself when you end up having a child with the sickle cell disease and putting the child through the agony the disease brings when you can easily avoid it?
 
 Although his method of ending the relationship was not so cool(like someone said) I agree with his reason and would rather not risk it.

Disclaimers;
*The good and bad angel were inspired by watching too much Tom and Jerry cartoons as a kid, don't think we have such literally though.

*My friend is better off for the break up tho, she's dating an AA genotype dude! Obviously a good match.

*As much as I'd love to be seen as knowledgeable, much of what has been said on genotype especially the definition is Dr Ademola Peter's from his article in the book, "Major Problems of Marriage,their Prevention and Management" by Dr T. O. K. Osuafor.

You can read old and new episodes of 'Grafted Branches' @ www.kellychikezieblog.wordpress.com

Who is a true lover?

These days after so many failed relationships and heartbreaks, I have come to realize that true love is not a myth but finding a true lover shares the same odds as finding a live unicorn. Evaluated experience they say is the best teacher, so here's what evaluated experience has taught me. We all want someone we can count on to stand by us through thick and thin. This is the lover who matters. Most people think being a good lover is about being able to perform sexual feats with great skill and sensitivity.(That would be fine if we spent all our lives in bed.) But the truth of the matter is a true lover does not start or end in the bedroom. A true lover is the one who stays when all others have walked away. Its does not matter if he is as agile as a leopard or she is as sensitive as a frayed nerve ending. If they don't love you with their hearts, stroking your body and teasing your senses will soon become meaningless. Loving the body is not enough, your mind and spirit need to be cared for too. Who cares if your man is built like an Adonis or your woman the personification of Aphrodite, if they don't stand by you in a storm? His twinkling eyes and her sensous lips mean nothing if they don't prove to be reliable in a crisis. My friend, being a good lover is more than hips, lips and fingertips. It is standing by the bed until the light goes out in my eyes and you kiss my forehead one final time. It is the ability to stick with me through the frustration of finding a job, numerous disappointments from friends and family until the machine stops and the ventilator ceases to pump air into my lungs, and I speak one last time or squeeze your hand. A true lover is a lover of the day, not just the night. Unfortunately, lovers that deal with the day are more difficult to find than the kind that grope for your body at night.

To What Purpose?

A lot of things have gone wrong in our world of today. Our society that once held moral values dear has become morally bankrupt, throwing caution to the winds as immorality has become the order of the day. Maybe some of the prevalent issues of contemporary society had cropped up in centuries past, but could it have been this bad? Please permit me, its just my scattered thoughts so its not in any particular order... I see a lot of married people who have issues in their marriages now resorting to extra-marital affairs and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of single ladies with a lot of artificial things on them with no real source of livelihood or clear vision of what to do withh their lives but waiting for Mr Right to 'deliver' them and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of students abandon their studies to achieve instant success and fame through prize-winning reality TV shows and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of frustrated students of the University of JAMB with more likes on their Instagram pictures than their post-utme score and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of young girls turn to porn stars on Twitter to increase their amount of followers,and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of men both young and old sowing lies into the lives of women so they can live-off the little these naïve, desperate women have made for themselves, and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of religious leaders who go about doing so called lucrative business(es) not because they want to be the salt of the earth or light of the world, but so theyy can maintain a status, and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of male graduates still living under their parents and putting them under more strains than they are supposed to bear because their parental role shouldd be over now and their sons should be taking care of others except that they have no real source of livelihood or plan for their lives and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of people who sound big on social media but when you meet them, you realize not only do they have nothing to offer, they also give the word 'packaging' a new meaning and I ask, to what purpose? I see a lot of people teaching on prupose today but leave out the God of prupose, and I ask to what purpose? You have finished reading this but to what purpose?