Guilty Pleasures 5

Episode 5

Guilt was a disease invading every part of him more than ever on the morning of Uncle James funeral. It started in his heart and trickled around his body in his blood, infecting his legs and his arms, his neck and shoulders. It made his eyes ache so that he had to keep them either closed or fixed in a downward gaze, avoiding anyone else's eyes.
When they sat in church, he could feel the heat of condemnation at the back of his neck, and when they rose to leave, he was afraid to glance right or left. Of course it was all in his mind as he had never been mentioned for Uncle James' death. Aunty Candy took responsibility for what had happened and the police dropped the case immediately they learnt about the domestic violence.

Nobody else knew what had transpired that night except his aunt who had begun to see him in a new light after the incident. She had been astounded by Seye's revelations when she asked what her late husband meant by calling him a 'faggot'.

Seye had unburdened his six year old secret to her, telling her of how the abuse had first started on his tenth birthday with Uncle James making him perform oral sex on him. Four years later, it became anal and Seye had lived in loathing of himself at all the things Uncle James had made him do.

There weren't that many people at the funeral and even fewer at the cemetery. Uncle James had never been a social or friendly person so even the bulk of people that attended were Aunty Candy's friends. His estranged younger sister, the only family he had, hadn't been able to make it to the funeral.

The rain that had begun the day before still fell, but sporadically. They were actually able to get through the service at the grave site before it began to pour. The rain chased everyone back to his or her vehicle and they left the cemetery faster than he anticipated. It was so final yet he could not weep.

For the first two nights after Uncle James' death, he had had a fitful sleep tormented by nightmares of Uncle James chasing him with his shattered skull. He had woken up terrified, more terrified than on those nights Uncle James came to his room. It was amazing that Uncle James had found a way to torment him both in life and death.

He felt guilt gnaw at his insides as he struggled to justify his satisfaction at ending the life of a monster. He had comforted his aunt while she mourned but he could not bring himself to shed a single tear for Uncle James. Not even on the day his coffin was lowered into his 6-foot grave.

When they got home, the dreariness invaded their apartment and their hearts. Each mourning entirely different things; Seye, his stolen innocence and childhood, his aunt, her late husband, presumably.

His aunt had tinkered in the kitchen, made herself some tea and came into his bedroom.

"Your father has sent the money for your flight ticket so you'll join him in the UK. Tomorrow you're packing your things."

Those were the first words she said to him after he had confessed all of Uncle James atrocities.


(To be contd)